I Am Who I Am

I do this thing where no matter how much I like a new trainer, I doubt them quite a bit in the beginning. I don’t even realize I am doing it usually, until I get myself in trouble by NOT listening, and then I spend some time after my lesson mentally going over what happened. This is who I am, and I simply can’t help it.


hunky hanoverian
Texas has been having some stunning evenings this week


So how did I doubt this time?

Lessons at the new barn have been going GREAT, but I also continue to over-ride in the pursuit of perfection. I want things to go really well, all the time. I realize this is not how lessons work, and I perpetually get reminded that I need to let Rio make mistakes, but OHMYGOSHIJUSTWANTTOBEGOOD. During my lesson last night we were working on a “simple” exercise. Trot into a line, then 7 strides to the out. It was a bending line, and trainer Julie warned me it would be short, so I really needed to come in super quite and really think about keeping the step small in the line. I did it so well the first time that I actually almost got 8 strides. Julie nearly died of shock. After that though… I apparently decided 7 was impossible, and that 6 was much more feasible. I would get almost to the out, and then think, “Oh *&#$ this is gonna be ugly as sin, we better go NOW!” and Rio would take the hint and go for the long spot (bless his heart).


hunky hanoverian, doubt
This is his, “Do you have any more carrots?!?” face. Of course I did 😉


Julie thankfully didn’t jump on my ass (she has the patience of a saint), but simply asked why I did that. I couldn’t help it/I told her the distance just wasn’t there, it wasn’t going to happen. Nuh uh, no way. My brain thinks that the longer spot is ‘better’ in that type of situation. I forget that this ISN’T a show, and that at home we do not want to train Rio for the long spot. She laughed a bit and said, “You lost the faith! You had it, Rio had it, you just lost faith! Now you are going to have to work twice as hard to get it next time.”


Hint, she was right.  She of course was also right about their being another step. The jump was max 2’6. Rio could crawl over that. I do NOT need to power off the ground to everything like it’s 3’6. For some reason I jump around my lessons lately like all the jumps are way bigger then they are, I reallyyyyy need to settle and maybe drink a beer before my lessons. Cheers!


Who else struggles with doubt? Doubt in yourself, or in what your trainer is telling you do, even though you don’t believe it’s possible? Does it bite you in the a$$? I’ve promised Julie to have more faith in the future LOL.


P.S. I had so much fun with the Voltaire giveaway I think I’ll do a quick smaller giveaway next week. Winner is going to get horse treats, a baseball hat from my favorite local tack show (Quail Hollow), and a Hunky Hanoverian vinyl decal (supplied by Joanne, the bst guest blogger ever)! Entering is going to be something super easy (like commenting on the insta post or something similar, I haven’t quite decided). So stay tuned!


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  1. I just did a show recap where I talked about my issue where I doubt Maestro can make the strides down a line (especially away from home) and sometimes give up and add. As my trainer said, sometimes I just need to take a leap of faith. I’m learning. 🙂

    1. Yesss! I totally agree, faith is definitely an important part of the equation sometimes.

      p.s. I WISH I worried about making the strides, instead I worry about leaving one out! Hahaha!

  2. I do the same thing. My trainer says good riding is a fight between hoping things will happen on their own, making things happen, and “screensaver brain.” Also, hello from Ft Worth 🙂

  3. I almost never doubt my trainer because she definitely knows more than me. (But also I’ve been riding with her a long while so I know she’s right.) But I doubt myself constantly. And I doubt my horses sometimes too. Never (my) Rio, he was always perfect and knew right from wrong better than I. But Jamp is such a spookasaurus, he gets my doubts thrown at him often. Eventually it all comes together though! Sounds like your new trainer has a sense of humor and some patience, so I think you’ll be just fine!

  4. Having faith is one of the hardest things in life and in riding, but I’ve found it to make all the difference. It sounds kind of silly and naive, but if you BELIEVE you can do it (whatever it is), then it will happen that way.

    The mind is truly so much more powerful than we give it credit for!

    1. Not silly at all, and you are so right. I need to start having a more confident attitude when trainer says “This is a tight 7 but you can do it”, because right now I think “ohhh there is no way I will fit 7 in there!”. And sure enough…

  5. I tend to have pretty good faith in my trainer; when she bumps up jump height, or sets up a challenging exercise I get confidence knowing she thinks we can do it and usually it goes well (maybe not on the first try, but her tips and advice have helped)

    1. This is how I get when I have been with a trainer for awhile too! But, I am always a tiny bit doubtful in the early stages of the relationship. Fingers crossed this stage passes soon!

  6. I think we are twins ? LOL. I ride the exact same way, but then get mad at myself and then get super grumpy. I really need to take a chill pill over fences !

    It’s all self-doubt in myself, and striving to be too perfect, while fully knowing there is no such thing!

    I am hoping the break I have taken from jumping and switching gears will help.

    1. Yassssss #twins! It’s like, how do you find that balance between being proactive and being passive? I am struggling to find that happy medium- to correct when necessary and to let mistakes happen so Rio can learn from them. But I also when to be really good and never mess up! Haha!!

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